thrty-two, three and four

this poem is not written by me. it is by mr. alfonso santos- a filipino poet. i dedicate this poem to a friend of mine whom i had a falling out with recently. i miss her- and i doubt that she misses me too.

carla, here's one for you...

thirty two: etude in blue

It is not so much the sadness of the night
nor the loneliness of the sea
that cuts through the heart
as it is the memory
of a tenderness now turned to spite
a devotion now changed to indifference

Ah! if memory could be wiped away
and thought were but flesh to die--
then sorrow would have no lasting pain
nor grief a history that hurts
-- Alfonso Santos
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thirty-three: water cycle
in the most desolate of nights
the mere thought of you
washes the anxiety in
my heart...

closed and

unloving

away...

down the riverbanks of my present
to my mind's oceans-- my forgotten past
to be evaporated by the sun of sweet tomorrow...
and mesh with the clouds of my memories

only to become the rain that feeds the greenery that we stand on...

---- this actually, is a spur of the moment poem...


----------------------------
thirty four: MAY

in afternoons like these
i look at you
and my heart shouts out

words of joy that

pencils can't sketch
paint can't fill in
and my words can't immortalize

remind me

to thank the sun
for sharing it's light
to frame the contours of your perfect body

you look at me

like i am delicate china.

i turn my back on you- because i think otherwise

and i find myself thanking the bed we lie on
for embracing us warmly
while we made love

i can hear my mind...

thanking my eyes for waking up to today
and my feet for being fast enough to walk, to run...

i cup your face in my right hand.

i feel a waterfall of invisible tears flowing out in all the crevices of my body.

this incomparable feeling of completeness...
has taken over me.

(9:54PM)

---- this one's for you, koibito :)

------------------------------------------

ahh.... what coffee can do for a poet's blood! i've posted 2 original poems today. both of them spur of the moment creations. 2 of them for the same person :)

good night

thirty-one

a taglish number to sum up this day.
---------------------------------------

so this is how the cookie crumbles

this is how the gig ends

sabi nga ng batikang si dr. bodjie:
"tapos ang boksing"

sabi ni claro:
"ang dali lang, para ka lang nagbasa ng komiks"

dude, pare, brod, chong...

girl, bruha, beng...

na-lintikan na ang pag-ibig

na-singko ka sa exams

nabullilyaso ang plano

kumulot ang pinarebond mong buhok

and i'm starting to lose my marbles over someone

losing my cool because my heels broke off

i tripped because of that big dark crack on the sidewalk

i didn't even see that coming.

mission impossible?

one word: break.

---------------------------------------------

crystal clear?

thirty

for some time- i haven't been inspired, you see. i almost forgot what it felt like being the one people told their... dark secrets to... because at one point in my life- i promised myself to stop thinking about others' problems because i've my own. but god knows how hard it is, not caring. especially when you realize that you actually developed a bond with some people- and you get a share of their pain... whether you like it or not.

recently- i'm on an emotional standstill... confused. i ask myself who my real friends are. does my high school barkada still care about what i do? why did i refuse to attend my grade school reunion, but still signed up on the attendance sheet and left as soon as people came in? why am i finding myself feeling scathed by the fact that... i am lost.

i've never felt lost in a very long time.

and no one seems to understand.

and if this turns out like a whiny emo rock song. i'll feel even more sorry

--------------------------------------------

life is a grand garden
like those ones
in castles far, far away.

those gardens
that have those mazes
green, tall, manicured shrubs

and you get lost in it the minute you step foot in it.

you walk farther and farther away...
then all you can see
is greenery.

nothing else.

-----------------------------
hmm.... is green an overused word?

twenty-nine

i'm going to make a frivolous entry because i feel particularly perky today. it's been a while since i blogged here- maybe it's because i have been uninspired for the longest time.

this one is called what is anticipation?

particularly dedicated to people who dream about forthcoming events.

-------------------------
what is anticipation?

anticipation is shopping out for the perfect top
to show your perfect curves
to lure in the perfect hottie
for the perfect party


the band's playing
your flea market earrings jingling
playing out a
cosmopolitan beat that jives with

the color-play of the strobe lights
and the dance of the laser lights

anticipation is the urge to dance
your blues away

anticipation is the churning of your stomach
because of the fluttering butterflies inside it

waiting to be released from the cage
by an obscure stranger's kiss...

anticipation is the fast clicking of stilletos on the floor

it is in the sway of your hips

it is in the sweat that drips...

it is any wild night party's catalyst.

-------------------
i need hed kandi NOw!!!!

twenty-eight

this poem is dedicated to myself. to the failures i have let myself slip into recently. to the pain it has caused me.

tell me something i don't know

tell me something i don't know

that there has been a typhoon that made prices rise
that claimed a lot of lives.

the president gave a flashy speech
but the stupid public yells "IMPEACH"

rebels are captured and thrown in jail
all the public does is wail.

the church withdraws support
they tell everyone the government lacks rapport

tell me something i don't know

every night,

i keep reading...
but the pictures like TV images go running...
my grades slowly slipping...

songs leave me heartbroken
self-esteem sunken.

on a downward spiral.

i cry alone.

my solace...

i confide and cry with far away friends...

i am thrown into a vortex not knowing.
forever questioning.

the what ares and what ifs...

tell me something i don't know

i am broke.
i have failed miserably.
i am confused.
i am inadequately done.
i am in tears.

tell me something i don't know.

i am alive.
i am not alone.
i am surrounded by my friends.
i am capable of waking up tomorrow.

--------->
no comment.

twenty-seven

this poem is called resurrection.

it is dedicated to the people i've loved and hated.

yesterday i died
i died because i was stabbed in the back, front and in the sides
i died because there was nothing and no one to live for.
i died because you took my pride, my love and my pedestal

away from me

yesterday i crawled
all bloody and fetid. the flies swarmed at my heart...
rotting and shredded.

i placed my heart on my palm...
ate it.

*crane was right.. the human heart is bitter.
it becomes bitter as soon as it ceases to love.

that night i cried.
because i envied you, you almost perfect puppet
because i loved you, you demented loveless pig
because i was subject to your torment, you ignorant witch
because i killed my own self... subjected myself to insult

my heart stopped. but i was still moving

but the blood in me didn't run out
my hair didn't fall out
and my tears stopped streaming down

and maybe it happened because fate still wanted me

and destiny... kept me alive all along.

today, i rode a phonenix
she was warm
and she embraced me

she told me:
"do not insult my admiration for you,
i have loved you for so long
but i had to wait before your past died with you.
you... have just been reborn"

i clutched her warm feathers and told her:
"i have waited for you so long..."

then, i felt my skin burn. my wounds healing.

she told me:
"my name is hope."

------------->
wahooooo! a poem! a poem!

twenty-six... from kang with love

darling,

so many things can happen in 2 months...

my heart was broken. i was depressed. and now, i am thrown into a frenzy of not knowing. honestly- if i were to tell you what went in my mind over the time i left you. i left without saying bood-bye to you. i'm back. and ready to write again. today, i killed an asshole. the burglar who stole the irie vibes in me. i killed his pride. and i can say, that what he was to me before... has died.

it died with my past.

i went to school. failed tests, met new friends. and i guess it's high time letting go of the things that have burdened me for so long.

last sunday- i had a perm. yesterday, i had highlights.

this week. i'm going to do my best. i'll try to cut myself some slack and fix myself. emotionally and physically.

you know what... as much as i want to lie to myself telling my heart and mind that i know who i really am... i guess i don't.

i have to search for my soul again, don't i?

i think so too.

despite the fights, scandals, stupidities and failures i did long ago... maybe there's a damn good reason why i am still alive and i have all my limbs, teeth and hair intact. maybe i am off to a better life. with better people. i'm going to get better grades this time. not going to be depressed because of some prick.

you ask me, where and who?

i don't know, darling... but one thing's for sure.

i will never leave you again.

so stay with me...

------------>
i didn't know why i wrote like that. i just wrote what i felt and what my mind dictated.

HELLO! and i hope you people enjoy the new layout!

twenty-four

Bituing Walang Ningning

Kung minsan ang pangarap
Habambuhay itong hinahanap
Bakit nga ba nakapagtataka
'Pag ito ay nakamtan mo na
Bakit may kulang pa


Mga bituin aking narating
Ngunit langit ko pa rin ang iyong piling
Kapag tayong dalawa'y naging isa
Kahit na ilang laksang bituin
'Di kayang pantayan ating ningning


CHORUS 1
Balutin mo ako ng hiwaga ng iyong pagmamahal
Hayaang matakpan ang kinang na 'di magtatagal
Mabuti pa kaya'y maging bituing walang ningning
Kung kapalit nito'y walang paglaho mong pagtingin


CHORUS 2
Itago mo ako sa lilim ng iyong pagmamahal
Limutin ang mapaglarong kinang ng tagumpay
Sa piling mo ngayon ako'y bituing walang ningning
Nagkukubli sa liwanag ng ating pag-ibig


[Repeat 2nd Stanza]
[Repeat CHORUS 1]
[Repeat REFRAIN 2 except last line]


Nagkukubli sa liwanag at kislap ng ating pag-ibig
----------------------------->

ayan. sige. baduy.
this is emotion in it's rawest.

"Please don't put your life in the hands of a rock
and roll band who'll throw it all away."

"There's more to life than being in a band. Your friends are what will matter in the end"

those, so far are the most valuable pieces of advice someone gave me. and when i start dreaming those impossible dreams again... i'll record those two sentences and play it again and again and again :) salamat, kuya k :)